Today is September 1st. The end of one month and the beginning of another. A lot has happened since my last post before taking a hiatus. A trip of a lifetime to Montana, taking my social media break, and finding myself growing more insecure about my purpose and passion.
For two weeks in August, I was with my family in Montana. We were visiting Yellowstone National Park for the very first time. Along the way, we stopped in South Dakota and had the opportunity to see Mount Rushmore, another site we never saw before.
During these two weeks, I went whitewater rafting, photographed the numerous bison walking by my dad’s truck in the park, visited Grand Teton National Park, had horses visit us at the house we were staying, and got to sit in the big backyard and enjoy the mountainous view before me. I felt peace, connected with nature for the first time in a while, and did things I never thought I’d do five years ago.
Then I came home. Suddenly gripped with a sense of loss, loneliness, and depression, I started to view my life as disappointing. I felt at 25 years old that I was a joke of a human being. I felt I had let many down from God to family and friends and work. I felt most of all that I let myself down. I was looking forward to writing about my adventures for YAYWORLD when I came home, but then I lost my nerve.
Since, I’ve felt broken, wondering if I wasted my life on a passion that isn’t cooperating lately. Dwelling on decisions I’ve made. I’ve even been questioning my faith, again. I am not a perfect writer nor human being. I have had my ups and downs like everyone else. I get angry about things, I question a lot, and think a little too much. My emotions are not as bad as they were a few weeks ago, but they linger.
When I took my social media break, I felt free. I didn’t need to dwell on comments from random people I might never meet, fandom stuff, and more. I could slow down and remember what means the most to me: what’s right in front of me. I still have that perspective since coming home, but I further question social media’s role in my life.
A person’s journey will always have the peaks and valleys that define it. We will have our great moments of triumph, and our deep sorrows with failure and mistakes. However, compared to a year ago, I feel I’m where I’m supposed to be. Whatever the struggle in your passion, writing or not, you will find it again. Take a break from social media for your own peace of mind and perspective. Also, step out of the comfort zone and try something new; you never know what you will discover.
I know it has been over two years now since this blog began, and I am forever grateful to all of you who comment and read. Blogging has given me another outlet to reach out to others and share my thoughts, and I pray it’s making a difference in your life and take something away from each post and book review. May we continue for many more years!